What I Mean

—inspired by Michael Ondaatje’s The Collected Works of Billy the Kid

When I say
sonofabitch
sonofabitch
what I mean is
Don’t go, I will miss you.
 
When I say
self-defense
I mean
it tongue
in cheek.
 
Accurate with a rifle means
Hazardous,
also respectable.
 
When I say
the path tangles
like tree branches
I mean just that.
 
Red dirt,
on the other hand,
is code for drugs.
 
HawHawHaw
means funny,
and we laugh
because that is what is left for us to do.
 
Texas:
Trouble,
I thought you knew that one.
 
When I get to talking
about photographs,
I know it is my vanity speaking,
but you can’t pretend
you didn’t notice these
mother of pearl buttons.
 
If I mention
Lincoln County,
I am referring to
setting things right.
 
Sometimes I say things
in Spanish,
and if you don’t know
what they mean,
I wasn’t talking to you.
 
When I talk about an animal,
a horse or a rat or a buck tooth rabbit,
this means
I am thinking.
 
Bringing up a bird—
a stupid chicken, a flashy hawk,
a parrot talking to itself in the dark—
this means
I am remembering.
 
When I say
a woman loves her dog
I mean
she is all that is good
and pure.
 
When I say
a woman swallows your breath
I think
it is obvious
what I mean.
 


Leila Sinclaire is a mother, writer, and teacher in California.

 … return to Issue 13.1 Table of Contents.